Monday, June 08, 2009

"U.S. citizens detained..."

CIA spies aboard the USS Pueblo were... no, wait, wrong year...

Two CIA operatives posing as journalists working for Al Gore have been found guilty of spying on the Dear Leader (no, not ours; North Korea's,) and sentenced to twelve years hard labor in re-educational confinement strength-through-joy camps.

U.S. State Department spokesman Ian Kelley told reporters
"We are deeply concerned by the reported sentencing of the two American citizen journalists by North Korean authorities, and we are engaged through all possible channels to secure their release. A carrier battlegroup accompanied by the 31st Marine Expeditionary Unit is at sea steaming for Korean waters now. I am authorized to confirm the deployment of additional USAF squadrons to Japan and the ROK, but I can neither confirm nor deny any rumors you have heard about the lights being on late at Pope AFB and Fort Bragg. I can say that we will show those people that you do not screw with a blue passport."
Actually, I made up all that stuff after "release". What he really went on to say was
"We once again urge North Korea to grant the immediate release of the two American citizen journalists on humanitarian grounds."
Which is pretty funny, really. You've gotta be a special kind of stupid to appeal "on humanitarian grounds" to a nation which fences its people in with guards dogs and electrified barbed wire while they starve to death so that their Dear Leader (not our Dear Leader, North Korea's,) can afford imported booze and hookers.


"Hey! I can see the New Socialist Man from up here!"

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

How wonderful it is that two members of the Media (self-appointed members at that) are now discovering the many benefits of Socialism: free clothing and food, free health care and first-class gun control for all political prisoners.

I only wish that the entire staff of the Washington Post, New York Time, NPR, ABC, NBC and CBS cannot join them.

To the Glorious Future,

Shootin' Buddy

Tam said...

Soon enough it will be unnecessary to travel all the way to North Korea, Comr... er, Shootin' Buddy.

DirtCrashr said...

After the reeducation camp when my brain has been scrubbed clean of all this negativity I will be SO happy riding my unicorn across golden fields of popcorn beneath a rainbow colored sky...

Rob K said...

At least you can see the stars really well there. None of this darn urban light pollution!

kahr40 said...

Two specks of light: the winter palace and the summer palace.

Anonymous said...

Be nice! He's so ronery, so ronery.....

AdaM said...

^ LOL

Oh man, when I read the 31st MEU and a carrier battlegroup was on it's way, I actually got a little excited. Damn you!

wv: rates - the jobs of those Navy personnel within that carrier battlegroup. :D

Anonymous said...

Would it be appropriate diplomacy to flat out level, without warning,the Presidential structures, retreats, playgrounds, refuges and any military GHQs attached to them?

Along with that message, a polite note to the Leader that he and his leader friends will atomized, should those two spies not be released unharmed,now.

I guess not, but my wife and I wondered, over dinner and the news,just why such a course of action was not publicly and clearly on the agenda, for execution within the next 24 hours.

Just a thot, ya know?

John -- the Red

reflectoscope said...

I read an article to the effect that the average North Korean is some 4" shorter than the average South Korean, and that this has only been true for the last fifty years or so. Provided they wise up about this and their nuclear weapons program, I say let them starve under their worthless government until they get pissed about it enough to do something.

Jim

TJP said...

I need you guys to confirm something for me. I'm searching for the terms "counterfeiting", "fraud", and "lobbing missiles in the direction of our allies", but I can't seem to find them in the article. However, I have no trouble finding mention of a "grave crime" against Dark Korea.

If the Teleprompter Accessory and Uncle Walter step off the set of "The Price is Fixed" for a moment, maybe they can find a solution to the problem before they're tied up appointing an Impeachment Czar. For example: sending a bunch of long range bombers to drop food and supplies, to break Jong Il Kim's promise to "apply the principles of Marxist social economics to starve the shit out of everyone until will achieve superproduction." (I'm paraphrasing a bit here.)


"Hey! I can see the New Socialist Man from up here!"

Ha ha! That's because the Google car drove past the mass graves a couple months back.

Don Meaker said...

Just bear in mind that the Dear Leaders people are scouring the intertubes looking for references to the journalists, and will use those references by people obviously in the know such as yourself, and will use that as "evidence" of their supposed crime.

Of course in a just world, China would be upset that North Korea violated their borders to kidnap people traveling under a chinese visa.

Anonymous said...

The Fudgie Ghost says:

Don: yes, you would think so, wouldn't you. But they don't. Why? Because NK is Joe Pesci to China's Robert DeNiro. . . this is all about China settling up with Japan over Manchuria and other assorted nastiness during WWII. . .Never forget? The Asians don't. All your base are belong to us. . . dey ain't lyin'. . .

Ed Foster said...

Is a neutron bomb really an atomic bomb? I mean, really?

A few cruise missiles during a big parade, no real damage to property or all that many civilians...

Old Russian proverb: "If you want to kill a bear, you don't cut off it's tail".

As for the Chinese, they could shut down North Korea tomorrow, but they won't. It's too valuable, just for showing the world what a paper tiger we are. And, sadly, we are. Ronnie's not around anymore.

T.Stahl said...

Is that a power outage or Verdunkelung?

Probably both.

And the light spots are fake targets.

Chrystoph said...

I like the middle ground. Instead of this pansy talk, and instead of casual civilian slaughter, let's move for a decapitation and a rescue (separate operations).

Go ahead, sit in the chair. Don't mind the little red dot. The fact that it will be on your forehead when you sit is just coincidence.

Tam said...

"I like the middle ground. Instead of this pansy talk, and instead of casual civilian slaughter, let's move for a decapitation and a rescue (separate operations)."

You might not have understood the significance of "the lights being on late at Pope AFB and Fort Bragg."

The press statement and force mixture I sketched out (a carrier air wing, an MEU(SOC), some USAF air cover, and certain units that would be stood to at Pope and Bragg) wouldn't be much for "civilian slaughter", but it would be the berries for rescue and perhaps a bit of light decapitation...