Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Riddle me this...

How come owning a gun makes me a paranoid wannabe cop, but owning a fire extinguisher or first-aid kit doesn't make me a paranoid wannabe firefighter or EMT?

19 comments:

elvistheoriginalterminator said...

hahaha, well you know why! Bambi doesn't want you have a gun. That's why i just bought another one>

JimB said...

Me too........

Bgg said...

I own a tuba.

That means I'm a fat, pimply-faced, can't get laid geek...


Wait....

John said...

It does, actually, but they haven't thought it through far enough to reach that conclusion. Once civilian ownership of guns is banned, though, civilian ownership of first aid kits and fire extinguishers can come next. Can't John Q. mucking up a grease fire that's rightfully the duty of the local FD to take care of, or screwing up a nip from his kitchen knife that should properly require an ambulance ride to the ER.

These things must be left to the professionals, who are trained to deal with them.

fast richard said...

Didn't I hear about fire extinguishers being eliminated in some places in England, because people were considered too stupid to know when to get out instead of trying to fight the fire?

Joanna said...

fast richard: You heard right.

Part of the problem with guns is the "only report the crashes" phenomenon. Also, most journalists are freaking pussies.

Brad K. said...

Tam,

I hope the question was rhetorical. Because normally the fire extinguisher hangs on the wall, and the first aid station or kit is tucked in a pack, hung on a wall, or stacked on a shelf.

Neither the fire extinguisher nor the first aid kit are frequently used to defend against attack by fire extinguishers or first aid kits.

A better question is why auto makers aren't held responsible for making such deadly products. I mean, a dude falls asleep and runs over a car or three, and GM never gets called into the court room. A wacko drives a car into a crowded sidewalk, and we don't send the ATF off on a manhunt - we let the locals take care of it. We have a van accidentally back over a toddler, and Chrysler adds mirrors to check behind the van (like a driver should be able to count the number of kids around or something! Sheesh!) Most vehicle/pedestrian accidents happen at home, usually within the family!

We count on most passenger vehicles being traded and driven - until they end in a wreck somewhere. And often a wreck includes a person or three.

We never hear someone say, "Domestic violence? Felony conviction? You can never own or use a deadly weapon, like a motor vehicle, again!" Well, occasionally someone will rack up enough drunk or other points to lose their license for a while.

There is no mandatory three day waiting period to buy a car, you don't have to pass a psych profile to be sure you aren't going to drive across several states and blow up a building, you don't have to prove to the dealer that you don't have any outstanding convictions.

You don't cause the neighbors to cower in fear if they see you with a vehicle, or if you really trick one out with gadgets, doodads, and performance enhancements. "Oh, no! A luggage rack! That must be a terrorist!" Duh.

Other deadly American items include ice cubes, or sugar, or butter, or cigarettes. Or booze. Think how many keyboards have been blamed for repetitive stress injuries, yet you don't have to register with the government to get a computer. "No, you cannot have a fast food license until you pass the psych profile and background check. You might be crazy and double salt the french fries."

The guns could be accepted just like the fire extinguisher and first aid kit. Never have more than one per room, never carry one about, and have a good explanation. "That was General Custer's pistol at his Last Stand. Oh, I wouldn't know how to use it - don't you just aim at the bottom of the fire?"

Strap an olive green pack with a big red cross on it, stuff it with a first aid kit, hang a couple straps and splints, and people will wonder about your ambitions along the EMT line. "Oh, Tam. She has carried that silly EMT pack for a while now. Just another ambulance driver wannabe. Don't park behind her."

Accountants that leave their work at the office don't often raise their neighbor's eyebrows. Pick up a Barney Fife light at an auction (that is what they called it!) to slap on your car like Don Johnson, though, and the neighbors will start shying away.

Seriously, I think this goes back to a line from Angel and the Bad Man - "Only a man that carries a gun needs one." I think the perception that you carry a gun to a gunfight implies to many folk that no gun equals no gunfight. They don't want to take responsibility for walking to an attack, instead, when only the other party is armed.

Lorimor said...

It's bad enough that the incompetent are incompetent but then they have to crank up that whole projection thing.

staghounds said...

It doesn't!

Owning a gun makes you a paranoid Klansman and aspiring assassin.

Joanna said...

Brad K. -- I'm confused. Should we have background checks for car purchases, or are we paranoid for carrying weapons? You can't have it both ways. If someone walks around in combat boots and webbing all day, flashing extra magazines and constantly fondling his weapon, I'm worried. If someone has a weapon holstered at his side because he'd rather be armed than not, I'm not worried.

Seriously. It's a tool. I counter "Angel and the Badman" with Jack Schaeffer's "Shane": "A gun is as good or bad as the man who holds it."

RevolverRob said...

I have a fire extinguisher, first aid kit, and a gun all next to the bed. None of them make me paranoid...

The flaming gang of zombies who might require first aid after I put them with the fire extinguisher and shoot them in the head, makes me paranoid.

Flight-ER-Doc said...

ROFLMAO!!!

EXCELLENT Question!

Brad K. said...

Joanna,

I am just saying - the car is obvious, responsible for dozens of times more accidental deaths, involved in the occasional intentional killing - and no one cries about how they might be used to commit a crime. And there are fewer cars than guns. Why pick on guns?

Similar story with NutraSweet (there have been allergic reaction deaths since NutraSweet came out, unlike the Saccharin it replaced), tobacco, alcohol, sugar and especially corn sweeteners, etc.

In the 19th century Mormons were killed for accepting polygamy. The problem with guns is the choice some people made to oppose them. Some people pick race, religion, health care insurance, or fuzzy bunny slippers to make them feel as if they stand tall. Most stand tall in a bucket of slime, and never notice the wrigglers slithering about where their toes used to be.

Mike W. said...

Owning a gun makes you a paranoid Klansman and aspiring assassin.

Exactly Stag, even if you're black!...

Firehand said...

Or why doesn't learning CPR mean you're just pushing for someone to have a heart attack so you can try it out?

Orygunmike said...

In his department's budget, Massad Ayoob does not have a line item for ammo or firearms; rather he has a budget line item for "Emergency Rescue Equipment". And his attitude on the matter is that for a civilian, a firearm is a first responder tool to mitigate damage until the professionals arrive on scene. Brilliant.

Don said...

It does. We're just a lot nicer than cops, so we don't talk about it when you're around.

:D

John B said...

What about 5 gallon buckets? Children drown in those annually at a rate ten times that of ALL child firearm deaths.

Does owning one of those make you a wannabe child murderer?

markm said...

Brad and Joanna: If you want to swap movie lines about guns, check out Frank Sinatra's speech about them in the 1954 film "Suddenly"