I can see the music.
Everybody is very, very funny. Scintillatingly witty. I haven't heard an unfunny joke in over twelve hours. Seriously, you're all hilarious. I love you guys, each and every one. I'm going to drive around and give everybody a great big hug...
After I take a nap.
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Oh, please don't drive ... I don't want to read about you tackle-hugging the officer who pulls you over for weaving and tries to give you a breathalyzer.
Ah.
I see you've already embraced the suck and made it your friend.
There's a certain weird euphoria that comes with sustained sleep deprivation, but be aware: It can make you do odd things, like back your car into a half-opened garage door.
Ummmm... so I'm told...
Now THAT'S what I call "slap-happy."
See, now is the time to talk about 'dual-wielding handguns as a viable combat method'.
Finally I now have a great audience for my lame lawyer jokes.
Shootin' Buddy
Tam is the Lizard Queen!
(Can't talk, coming down)
Since you brought it up, my late brother was an attorney, so he maintained a vast collection of lawyer jokes.
One of his best:
Little Johnny is taking his first sex ed classes, where certain... variations were being discussed.
Confused, he goes home and asks his mother, "Mommy, can you get pregnant from anal sex?"
"Of course, dear. That's where lawyers come from."
Two lawyers are walking down the street. They pass a gorgeous chick. One leans into the other and says "Wouldn't you love to screw her?" and the other replies "Out of what?"
Ba-BING!
What's the ideal weight for a lawyer?
About 4lbs., including the urn.
And a couple of lawyer oldies, that I keep in perpetual storage:
Q: What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A start!
Q: Why won't a shark eat a lawyer?
A: Professional courtesy
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer & a sperm?
A: Only one of them has a one-in-a-million chance of becoming human.
Thank you, thank you,
I'll be here all week. . .
B Woodman
III-per
After four days, you'll see stuff that will turn you white.
Being that you're probably in the right frame of mind to appreciate it, watch Jurassic Park backwards. It looks like T-Rex goes to the bathroom and barfs up the lawyer.
Jim
Jay G: She can do everything!
She made the blue cars go away!
Fatigue and sleep deprivation are cheaper and less risky than Ecstacy any day.
And now for my lawyer joke:
Q: Why do lawyers wear their collars buttoned all the way to the top?
A: To keep their foreskins from slipping up over their heads.
Ok, which one of you gave Tam the mushrooms?
ALL We are SAAAAAAIIIIIING is GIVE PIECE A CHANCE!!!! ALLLLLLL WWwwwwweeeee are SSAAAAAAIIIIIIINGGGGG is GIVE PIECE A CHANCE!!
OOOOOMMMM LLAAAKKKAA LLAAAAKKKAAAA LLAAAAKKAAAA OOOOMMMMAAAA
Tam,
Fatigue breeds saints. Go, girl!
Leatherneck
I'm late to the party. Kudos, Tam, it is a good thing you're doing. Is your patient recovering well?
In my experience, sleep deprivation makes people horny. Now's yer chance, guys!
(Be careful, she's armed!)
Still standing on the corner waiting for my hug.
Q: What's the difference between a dead rattlesnake and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: Skid marks in front of the snake.
It's not "Piece", it's "Peace"
Duh.
Tam, I know the feeling. You funny, I funny, ev'ybody funny. Don't bogart that joint, my friend. ;)
Research laboratories are starting to replace their traditional laboratory rats with lawyers. When asked the reason for the change, the universities posted their top three reasons:
1. There are more lawyers.
2. The technicians don't get attached to the lawyers.
3. There are some things rats won't do.
Thank you, thank you, you're a lovely audience tonight...
"Tam is the Lizard Queen!
(Can't talk, coming down)"
Remind me never to dare you to drink the water on the amusement park ride again. Now where the hell are all the "Bort" vanity plates...
Just thought I would comment on the sinus surgery... I found out that with my (first) wife that it is a psychoactive operation. For several months she was not herself.
A vulture wanted to fly south, but it seemed too much work, so the vulture bought a plane ticket. Checking in at the counter the vulture had with it a dead armadillo...
"Can I check that through for you??"
"No thanks, this is my carrion....
There's a fire in the mathematicians' building at the university, the alarm sounds.
A mathematician leaves his office, goes to the next fire extinguisher, exclaims "there exists a solution!" - and goes back to work.
If you see the leprechaun, ask him how he's doing, I haven't seen him in a while.
Why are there so many lawyers in the U. S.?
Because St. Patrick chased all the snakes out of Ireland.
Don Meaker said--" Just thought I would comment on the sinus surgery... I found out that with my (first) wife that it is a psychoactive operation. For several months she was not herself."
Horry crap!! That explains so MUCH! My ex had sinus surgery about six months before she declared her great unhappiness with me. Just glad it didn't wear off before the paperwork was final.
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