Friday, November 20, 2009

Things I Learned From Television:

I watched a bunch of TV to stay awake over the last couple days, and I learned a lot of valuable things:

  1. Despite bogus theology, awkward physics, and plot holes through which you could navigate the QE2, "Ahnold vs. The Devil + A Whole Lotta Explosions" is a formula for an entertaining movie.
  2. The fabric of spacetime is different in Las Vegas, and the Vegas PD has access to alien technology: They can get DNA tests back faster than an Indianapolis cop can run your license plates.
  3. 12 gage 00 buck has nine pellets. It will blow through a steel door and an expanded metal grate and six of the pellets will make a nice, tight pattern on one victim's chest, pitching him over a railing, while the other three pellets mysteriously veer off on a downward tangent and kill the cabbie below and across the street. (My neighbor wondered why I started laughing and walked out of the room just when CSI was "getting interesting"...)
  4. The cocaine daze in Hollywood actually peaked in the late '80s, when somebody signed off on The Fly II. As a matter of fact, The Fly II rates a post of its own...


og said...

in "Death in a lonely land" capstick talks about the number of pellets in different loads, and their terminal (sic) ballistics. it's most entertaining. And a pity someone on CSI writing staff never read it. I have caught #6 shot in my hat, at 100 yards.

Tango Juliet said...

Copguy: Am I going to make it? Tell me the truth.
Copchick: Sure you will.
Copguy: No, you're lying.
Copchick: OK, the Docs said you lost lots of blood.
Copguy: I love you.
Copchick: I know.

20 minutes later, Copguy is still alert and talking while lying in a hospital bed. He does have one IV going. He's fully coherent and has good color in his cheeks although he does appear to be short of breath.

Then Copguy makes some dramatic revelations and ties up some loose ends with rival copguys.

Then he dies.

No hospital personnel show up when he flatlines, there in his hospital bed in the hospital. No nurses or Docs are to be seen anywhere.

Apparently the budget woes truly are enormous there in CA.

Mulliga said...

There's just something fitting about an Austrian bodybuilder using a GLOCK 9mm.

Joanna said...

My aunt (who's smart enough to know better) says she likes CSI "for the science." CSI: Miami, no less. It makes holidays awkward.

aczarnowski said...

It makes holidays awkward.


CSI Miami is so bad it passes right through "so bad it's good" into the same territory Firebirds with Nick Cage crash landed. If I ever end up there, I hope I have one last shot in the 'ole pistol. *shudder*

misbeHaven said...

I watch CSI for the science, too... it's the most comedic thing on TV all week. LOL.
BTW, it's not alien technology, it's a magic centrifuge. They put a sample of anything in that centrifuge and it spits out whatever evidence they need to solve the crime. Who needs a mass spectrometer or DNA analyzer when you have a magic centrifuge? Still LOL.

Anonymous said...

And people wonder why I'm not allowed to watch C.S.I. Shoot one T.V. set, and you get a reputation for life.


jimbob86 said...

..... Uhmmmm.....errrrr...... fortunately, you hafta watch TV to "learn" that .... uhmmm..... "stuff". Me.... not so much.

BobG said...

CSI is fine if you just consider it as scifi/fantasy. The problem is that some people believe anything they see on TV, the same way some people believe anything they see on the Internet.

Old Grouch said...

"No hospital personnel show up when he flatlines, there in his hospital bed in the hospital. No nurses or Docs are to be seen anywhere."


SEIU members busy beating up demonstrators?

Anonymous said...

Damn, I'd better be careful with that Mossberg of mine. I had no idea it was quite that deadly.

B Smith said...

Until one of those explosions does Ah-nold in, it won't be nearly as entertaining as it could be.

(Aside... I watched "The Quick and the Dead" in its sickening entirety, because my brother exclaimed, "You GOTTA SEE IT !! Leonardo DiCaprio DIES !!!")

wolfwalker said...

On item 1: which Ahnuld movie were you thinking of? Or does it really matter?

As for CSI ... I don't watch it, never have. Tried once or twice, but never got into it. Blame the excruciatingly detailed autopsy scenes, mainly. NCIS is better.

Buck said...

NCIS is better the any of the csi's. The FlyII one of the best cocaine dazed B movies of the 80's.

kahr40 said...

...Leonardo DiCaprio DIES !!!
Always a plus.

Anonymous said...

Wolfwalker: it sounds like she watched End of Days.