Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Clutch the pearls!

My seventh-grade D&D group could have put on a better junk-on-the-bunk display.
You have got to be $#!++ing me.

The amount of breathy-voiced sphincter-puckering going on at the sight of this lame collection of firearms, BB guns, and SLOs (that's "sword-like objects") from Gotham po-po and journalists is positively hilarious.

Chief Wiggum's spokesman doesn't neglect the miscellanea in his checklist-reading, either:
 As if that wasn’t enough, cops also recovered eight swords, one machete, some nunchakus and eight Codeine tablets, cops said.
Can't forget those codeine tablets! Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
“It was enough to arm a small army or militia,” a police source said of the bust.
Or an understrength Hoosier Boy Scout troop, you shrieking git. Jesus wept, un-clench and get a hold  of yourself, man! It's some BB guns and the floor sweepings from the local pawn shop; you could turn up better out of the cabs of the pickup trucks in the parking lot of any blue collar employer in flyover country.

Maybe once De Blasio's let the city devolve back into a crime-ridden cesspit (say what you will about Bloomberg, but he made the clocks in Times Square run on time) you people won't shriek like schoolgirls at the sight of the small arms version of costume jewelry and Mardi Gras beads, you bunch of babies.


62 comments:

Michael Z. Williamson said...

My kids have more hardware than that. Each.

Ross said...

My comment to my wife (who has a 45 on her nightstand) was that they'd wet themselves if they looked in the drawer in my nightstand.

As for the SLOs... looks like BudK has just lost themselves a customer.

TJIC said...

I'm still a little ashamed that when the pigs seized my stuff the obligatory media pearl-clutching picture showed what a piker I was, collection-wise. Just three pistols? I promise to do better in the future when I get a bit of scratch.

Yrro said...

Did Bloomberg actually improve the crime rate?

I hear that claim so often, *just* far enough away from the claims about rampant book-cooking in COMPSTAT that you might forget about one when you read the other...

Tam said...

Yrro,

He largely continued the policies of his predecessor, Giuliani.

If you're a rich person who doesn't care about owning guns or smoking, the previous two administrations in NYC have been pretty benign dictatorships.

De Blasio's making all the right noises to undo that, though.

leaddog said...

“It was enough to arm a small army or militia,”

UMMMM not in my neighborhood.

SLO? LMAO!

Paul said...

Reminds me of crocodile Dundee line on that's not a knife.

I have more shit on the floor than is that photo. Never mind the safe or gun cabinet.

What a bunch of wussies.

Now if I could just get some range time.

Laughingdog said...

A small army wouldn't accomplish much with just 200 rounds of ammo.

I'm just glad that, in order for them to manage a photo like that for me, they'd have to get through the safe door first. They should at least have to work for it.

Randy said...

Seeing all that junk laid out makes me realize what a dog and pony show a prosecution is. I'm sure if they arrest an arsonist they will drain the fuel from his truck and proudly show the evidence of "over 10 gallons of gasoline".

What really cracks me up is if a real gunny guy got arrested everybody here would drool over the unopened cases of actual ammunition that would go to waste.

staghounds said...

Why are there telephones on the table??

Tam said...

staghounds,

"Why are there telephones on the table??"

The other stuff left an unphotogenic amount of empty space on the desktop.

mikee said...

I own bayonets for my milsurp Swedish Mauser and Lee Enfield, so if the police ever raid my house, they can make these old rifles even scarier in the print reports of my arrest. Those and the 25 round banana mags for my assault rifle, er, uhm, my Ruger 10/22.

Bayonets, assault rifles and a .50 cal ammo can still half full of .22LR (over 2000 rounds of rare and exotic ammunition!), even after the recent long drought, should get my arrest (most likely for not keeping my lawn mown to HOA specs) on the front page of the Austin Statesman.

D.W. Drang said...

...the small arms version of costume jewelry and Mardi Gras beads...
Genius.

og said...

Hey Bob guns are dangerous! You'll shoot your eye out! And what if those knives were sharp? Cuts can get infected you know. And I don't like drugs or the people who do them. What? Valium is medicine, its not like its a drug. And vodka is just concentrated potatoes. Shut up or I will give you such a smack!

RevolverRob said...

"Why are there telephones on the table??"

Because telephones and internet access are the actual real threats to the Govern...err America...

-Rob

abnormalist said...

Wow, sometimes I wonder what would happen if my reloading bench landed in NY for a day.

I had more firepower waiting to be cleaned sitting around it and ALOT more ammo made just last night.

I wonder what they would call a LEE Pro 1000 in NY? A "high capacity semi automatic clandestine assault ammunition manufacturing station"?

Jake (formerly Riposte3) said...

"Why are there telephones on the table??"

While I like Tam's answer better (Grade A Snark, yet again), notice what the phones are next to. Bong + Cell phones = ZOMG!! Ebil drug dealers!!!!

(Please ignore the man behind the curtai... er, the fact that there's only one bong and a couple of pills, and no actual drugs.)

Buzz said...

Hell, I don't think that would even qualify for membership in the "Let's open carry our phallic compensators in Chipotle" club.

RevolverRob said...

Buzz said, "Hell, I don't think that would even qualify for membership in the "Let's open carry our phallic compensators in Chipotle" club."

Damn, internets won for the day and it just hit 9am here.

-Rob

Knucklehead said...

Now that was a classic screed! Loved it.

As for the arsenal, that ain't enough weaponry for a housewife to fight her way out of a hostile hair salon in Brooklyn. Small militia my fat arse.

global village idiot said...

What, no throwing stars?!

Pikers.

gvi

LCB said...

Hey, that Hi-point carbine is very dangerous...to the shooter. :-)


Just kidding...I have one of the "new" models, and it's a fun thing to use up 9mm killing empty cans and whatnot...

SJ said...

Alright, is it just me, or are there a couple of actual guns on that table, among the toys?

(Both of the revolvers, to my eye. Everything else is a bunch of toys, though I suppose a competent marksman could use the pellet guns against squirrels.)

Tam said...

There are four firearms and five airguns.

Anonymous said...

That's called a kids toy box in Kentucky.

Gerry

Geodkyt said...

Reminds me of what Rush said after Osama bin Chummin' got zapped:

"The most dangerous terrorist in teh world, and they found 3 AK47s, 2 handguns, and a water pistol. In Texas, that's not even a respectable collection. I mean, you catch a Texan with that, and word gets out -- it's humiliating."

Windy Wilson said...

"Arm a small army."
Wasn't the U.S. Army advertising once as "An Army of One"?

The Raving Prophet said...

To be honest, I wouldn't mind taking home that Smith in the lower right, but the rest of it? Nothing to write home about (heck, and I *have* that pellet gun that's underneath the Hi Point Carbine... it's a single shot).

I really wonder just how many sphincters would involuntarily relax if they ever had the slightest clue what was in the personal collections of many of us out here in flyover land.

David said...

Tam, my dear...this is precisely why I love your writing so much. In the span of about 100 words, you can make me steaming angry, and laugh out loud...simultaneously. It's probably physically unhealthy, but it sure is fun.

That said, it is my goal in life that if there is ever a TV news report on my collection, that I can make some prompter-reading sissy pass right the eff out, or at least pass an actual for-real brick. Live, on-air. That'd be good.

Anonymous said...

Enough to arm a militia? Most members at my gun club bring more (and much higher quality) firearms than that to the range.

I guess no one told the journalists that pistol ammo is sold in boxes of 50 cartridges? Imagine the hysteria if there had been a brick of 22lr.


Al_in_Ottawa

Bubblehead Les. said...

Hey! Who cleaned out my Junk Closet? I was taking that stuff to the next Gun Show to see if I could get enough Scratch to buy a Brick of .22!

ProdigalSon said...

Jesus, that's nothing. I have 2 rifles, upwards of a thousand rounds between the two, and I'm just a poor college student with no money to buy more.

Stranger said...

On average, the same number of violent crimes appeared in NYC media both before and during Bloomberg's tenure. Unless the media has started making up stories to replace lost advertising, Bloomberg did nothing good for Gotham's crime rate.

Tam said...

Stranger,

"On average, the same number of violent crimes appeared in NYC media both before and during Bloomberg's tenure. Unless the media has started making up stories to replace lost advertising, Bloomberg did nothing good for Gotham's crime rate."

Like I said 28 posts earlier in this discussion (and will no doubt have to say again to people who just jump to the end to insert their comment) Bloomberg continued Giuliani's crime policies, which indisputably gentrified the shot outta Manhattan.

Do not compare the crime rates at the beginning and end of Bloomberg's tenure; rather compare the crime rate at the end of Bloomberg's with the beginning of Giuliani's to see the effect of the policies.

Don't worry, though. De Blasio will bring the peep shows back to Times Square!

Tam said...

"Shot"? Stupid bleeping autocorrect...

Stretch said...

I won 1,500 rds. of .22lr in Jay's Kilted for Cancer raffle.
A Liberal friend (I keeps some for their amusement factor) said "Gee, you wont have to by ammo for years!"
Ya, their kinda clueless like that.

Critter said...

Actually that bolo machete is a pretty good piece of iron.

Mister_V said...

I don't know what's sadder, that there's only four real guns there (assuming you consider a zamak .25 a "real gun") or that the cops apparently missed one (what does the stainless mag under the deuce nick go to?).

Noah said...

"My seventh-grade D&D group could have put on a better junk-on-the-bunk display."

Ayup. My Traveller group was much the same way - but we were a bunch of older gun nuts...

(We once had one of those SHTF bull sessions, predicated by a bit of local rioting one summer. Turns out, we probably could have armed a (very) small militia - and rather eclectically, too. "Okay, Bill, you brought your MP44, and Joe, you've got your Krag...who's carrying the M60 belts?")

Mister_V said...

Sorry, zamak .380. What I get for not reading the article first. Extra mag looks like it goes to an AMT Backup.

bluesun said...

Heck, I've inherited more guns that that. A lot more guns than that.

Robert said...

I would no more trust NYC's self reported crime rate stats than I would trust the average politician with my wallet.

Tam said...

No need to. Every piece of anecdotal evidence supports it.

Shit, man, Google up pictures or news morgue clippings using "Times Square" as a keyword from '76 and '06.

Stan said...

"Police also found 50 rounds of 45 caiberl ammunition, 50 rounds of 9MM ammunition, 67 rounds of 347 caliber ammunition, 50 rounds of 38 caliber ammunition, 17 rounds of 380 caliber ammunition, and a 45 caliber magazine."

Sweet baby Vishnu, I know times are bad for some papers, but can they not afford an editor? Or fucking spell check?

Kristophr said...

I 'spose bits of my collection would be right out then?

Wankers. It's just a ten round semi-auto.

Matt said...

We joke about that being enough to arm a militia or small army. Castro began his revolutionary movement in Cuba with possibly less weaponry and ammunition.

Steve Skubinna said...

When I got my first Garand I didn't see the point of getting a bayonet, too. After a while, just for completeness I did get one. So I didn't even wait when I got my first M1 Carbine, and I actually picked up a Swiss bayonet before the K31.

Just part of the collecting bug, everyone posting here understands that. But imagine the "ZOMG!!11!!eleventy!!1!" from the media if they heard that I have three bayonets. That's before they hear about the Ka-bar and the Camillus knives.

It's also comforting to realize that my two Gamo air rifles, two Daisy air pistols, and Drozd BB gun will appear on the table next to the XCR and AR-15. If they only knew, NYC would be staring fretfully westward wondering how long it would take me to ride the subway in from WA.

Ancient Woodsman said...

Maybe by "small army" they meant instead a group of very, very small people? Like, miniatures along the lines of the little green plastic army guys? Then sure, that might be enough for a small army.

On the negative side, I have no doubt that the numbers coupled with the terminology of "militia" were used on purpose, as if to start a liberal media trend to quantify exactly how many firearms are appropriate for a member of a militia. Surely this cannot be accidental and that the "militia" reference along with numbers of guns was definitely on purpose.

Got to go re-adjust my tinfoil now...

Steve Skubinna said...

You bring up a good point, Woodsman. Now in retrospect I'm surprised they didn't say "Right wing neo-Nazi militia."

But perhaps in NYTspeak that's understood. After all, what other kinds are there?

Anonymous said...

That's enough for 200 of New Yawks "finest" to get their Fide on.

Anonymous said...

Fife damnit, Fife.

Ed said...

I suspect that you would find more ammunition in the bottom of one of Tam's ammo cans than you see on that table.

What I do find interesting is the two speedloaders with hollow points for the S&W revolver. I did not know that speedloaders were contraband in NYC.

Greg Tag said...

This thread has humor, snark and pathos.

Sadly, the folks in NYC actually do see this haphazard amalgamation of junk as a "threat" from which the public must be protected; or at least discouraged from having themselves.

Stark contrast-my oldest daughter left for school at Texas A & M with more and better iron ( and requisite ammo). She lives off-campus, and woe betide the thug who decides to break in on a "defenceless student". We celebrate this as adulthood and freedom and civic responsibility and LIBERTY.

The folks to whom this photo op catered do not understand. They simply have been socialized to be passive and compliant and to irrationally perceive guns as "icky"; they cannot change unless subjected to a life-changing, probably horrible and bloody event where they needed a gun but didnt have one. Even then, it might not change their minds.

Regards
GKT

rbmcmjr said...

To be honest, I wouldn't mind taking home that Smith in the lower right, but the rest of it?

Not to be a jerk, but that is clearly a Taurus. Even with that strike against it, it is still the only firearm in the picture that I would possibly consider owning.

Robin said...

Michael Z. Williamson said...

My kids have more hardware than that. Each.


And, damn, I have the photo of his daughter around here somewhere to prove it ...

Noah said...

Man, New York - what happened to you guys?

Geodkyt said...

Seriously -- my ex-wife has more ordnance than that mounted on the upstairs hallway wall. . .

Kristophr said...

Noah: Abercrombie & Fitch used to be a top of the line gunshop.

kfg said...

Ah done shot a squirrel once wit one o dem old Crosman pump pistols.
It turned around, looked at me, and said, "Hey, that stings. Quit it!"

And that one dun went up to 11.

Tom the Impaler said...

My guess is that only the machete and the pocket knives have measurable carbon in the steel. Airguns. Really. And a handful of weapons which are "real" if you live someplace you can't get real quality guns.

Anonymous said...

What kind of "army," small or otherwise, uses BB guns? Sometimes one can do naught but roll one's eyes.

wryson said...

Ermahgerd! Mall ninja alert.