Books. Bikes. Boomsticks.
Self-Checkout aisles are like wheelchair ramps for introverts.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly-colored power tools.
There's another version of that lightbulb joke involving Surrealists with the answer being "A fish".Some more Lightbulb jokes:How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?1, and that's not funny!How many historians does it take to change a lightbulb?I dunno, not my period.How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?Hey, you wanna go ride bikes?How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?None, if he wants to sit in the dark, that's his business.How many Russians does it take to change a lightbulb?That's a military secret.How many paranoid schitzophrenics does it take?WHO WANTS TO KNOW?!How many loggers does it take to change a light bulb?None, Federal law prevents it as the light will disturb the spotted owls.
How many mice does it take to crew in a light bulb?Two, but the hard part is getting them in there.
Q: How many Indie Kids does it take to change a lightbulb?A: I have that joke on vinyl.
I don't care who you are, thats funny right there.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Only one, but the lightbulb has really got to want to change.Q: How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbilb?A: [shouted] YOU DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW, MAN! YOU WEREN'T FUCKIN' THERE!(apologies in advance to shrinks and vets)
Q. How many dogs to change a light bulb?Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZChihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Q. How many programmers?A. None. That's a hardware problem.jQ. How many narcissists?A. One. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around HIM.
Liberals?Why isn't there a universal light care system?It's all a conspiracy by Bushco to enrich Halliburton's light bulb subsidiary. All these bulbs from MallWart have chips in them to monitor what books you check out from the library. It's in the Patriot Act.Irishmen?Shure, 'twill be loight soon enough on its own.Chiropractors?Just one, but it takes 38 visits.U. Va. students?None, you can drink just fine in the dark.W&L students?None, you can f*ck just fine in the dark.(Bryn Mawr girls take their light bulbs out when they move in. Darkness does what all the makeup in the world can't.)Vanderbilt students?None, they call father.U. of Tennessee students?Just one, but there's three hours credit.Unless he's on an athletic scholarship. Then coach changes the bulb, the Vol gets the credit for noticing it's dark.Buddhists?Desire for light leads only to greater darkness.Zen Buddhists?Is that so?Horse people?Damn. Of COURSE there aren't any extra light bulbs. Put them on the list... Virginians?Four- one to order the drinks prepared, two to sit around and talk about how good the old bulb was while the gardener actually changes it. (He was born on the place, you know. How these Yankees can bear foreign servants is beyond me.)
Q: How many straight men does it take to change a light bulb in San Francisco?A: Both of them.
See what you started!
htrn-I have heard that one as:How many militant feminists does it take to change a light bulb?THAT'S NOT FUNNY, PIG!Erik in Colo.
is it real?
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